A Rather Remarkable Obituary


May 2, 2001
Reaction score
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr.
Common Sense. (Not to be confused with our own CS)

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for
sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago
lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable
lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the
early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting
strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when
well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for
using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required
to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student,
but could not inform the parents when a student became
pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten
Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses,
and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed
to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, then she
spilled a bit in her lap and was awarded a huge financial

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and
Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My
Rights and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was

Top Bottom