asaxon
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Enchanted “hog” down. Oh no Sponge Bob, we have a problem!
BJ and I had both run out of hog meat last month so we set up a date to chase hogs with Tom Willoughby up in Monterey Co. We left Santa Monica at 1:30 am. The weather forecast was for a high of 88F so we took relatively light clothes. We didn’t stop at the Mission San Miguel to give offering in respect for the wild hogs. Little did I know, we should have stopped to propitiate the gods. My bad.
We met Tom in San Ardo at 5:30 am and drove East. There was fog in the valleys (Picture one was taken later) that petered out just west of where we were to hunt.
The temperature in our valley was 45F. We took off in the ATV Tom had brought, it has no sides, no windscreen and definitely no heater. We were cold, even Tom, a man of very few words, commented on this as we headed to get to an overlook before sunrise. As we got to the top of this huge steep ridge, shivering to try to get warm, we spied a sounder of 10+ hogs in a large gully some ¼ mile below. Tom coasted the ATV with the motor off until we were about 200 yds from where we’d spotted the hogs while being hidden by a rise in the ground. We walked to the top of the rise and peered over, no hogs? Humm….Then all of a sudden, the whole sounder came charging down the gully, lovely sows and young pigs. They momentarily disappeared behind the rise when a snout just peered over the edge, promptly disappeared and then they all reappeared running fast away from us. The plan was to have BJ shoot first and I’d follow up. But BJ couldn’t get a bead on them so as they were fast getting out of range, I took a hail Mary Texas heart shot at a lovely big belted sow. I missed. She turned on a dime, charged off in at right angles and I missed again. They were gone. We jumped in the ATV and scoured the gullies, ridges and river bottom for 30 min but not find any sign of them. They had just disappeared – evaporated as if by magic. Only later realize these were bewitched animals and not your run of the mill wild hogs.
After daybreak, Tom spotted a big boar about 1/3 mile away; again, way down below us. The boar took off even before we went after him. This led to a chase with the ATV where the boar went up the opposite a steep hillside with us in pursuit. While we were able to keep him spotted, ultimately, the boar went down a hillside where even Tom wouldn’t go. The ride was one to be remembered. Definitely an “E ride” for those of you who remember when Disneyland had different tickets, “A” for the most gentle and “E” for the most scary. This was an E+ ride. By now the sun was up, we were deep frozen and ready to thaw out. (Picture 2)
So we went back, got in the truck and headed off again. Oh glorious heat! We scouring the hillsides when about 8:40 am, a hog was spotted feeding in the open below us. Having rolled the truck down the hillside with the engine off, we walked toward where Tom figured to find the hog. This time, on peering over, we see not one but two hogs were feeding some 150 yards away. They looked identical so BJ lined up on the closer one while I did the same on the farther one. BJ said there was something strange about the snout on his but wasn’t sure what. I told him to fire when he was ready and I’d follow on. Boom, he fired. My hog jumped and looked sideways but I still had a good target - another Boom. My hog ran some 30 yards, fell over and piled up in a gully. BJ’s hog, having gone down, had gotten up wounded and started to move off. He put another round into it and it fell. Only then when we went down to retrieve the hogs did we see the difference between the two and the reason the snout on BJ’s hog looked peculiar. It was wearing a mask. And with its dying breath, this critter squealed what sounded like “me pyrovólises.”* Oh no Sponge Bob! Not only had we’d failed to stop at the Mission but now we’d shot this special socially responsible creature. I knew we had trouble; the gods would “do us” for sure. Picture 3, 4 and 5
After Tom skinned and gutted the hogs, BJ and I loaded up to head for home but we needed to stop at a local store to get ice to put in with the carcasses. As I could not find my mask to go inside the store, I put on the mask I’d removed from BJ’s hog; hog saliva and blood notwithstanding. BIG MISTAKE. Picture 6
All went well until the next morning when I got up feeling ravenous. I looked in the mirror while eating breakfast; OMG. It all became clear. Some of those hogs we had been chasing were enchanted creatures that had been bewitched by Circe* and I’d come under Circe’s spell by wearing the contaminated mask. Picture 7 and 8
I also came to appreciate that the first group of seemingly normal hogs that just vanished as if by magic were enchanted animals that had actually disappeared by magic. Similarly, the hog BJ shot that was wearing the mask clearly was an enchanted animal whose underlying nature I would not hazard to guess. A hint comes from its last squeal as some research turned up that “me pyrovólises” appears to be Greek - με πυροβόλησες – and means “You shot me. ” If only we had stopped at the San Miguel Mission to pay our respects, none of this might have happened. Oh well, the change has made it easier for me to have a meal. All I have to do is find a dumpster. And at least my non-mask wearing hog was not enchanted but my eating it now might constitute some form of hog cannibalism . As for BJ, I’m not sure as a human I’d have the courage to eat his enchanted creature but that is up to him.
No Animals Were Harmed Unnecessarily In The Telling Of This Tale But Somehow The Truth Got Mixed Up In Greek Mythology**
* For those of you without a classic education, Circe was the goddess-sorceress who lived on the island of Aeaea and who turned Ulysses men into hogs.
PS: What was really scary is that the Admiral noticed that I looked different in the morning but she couldn’t quite figure out exactly what had changed. That hurt.
