Excuses to get off work or out of the house

[spectr17]

Best excuses to get off work or out of the house.

I've got a few. One blew up in my face as I was dialing my cell phone to call in sick to work. I told my buddy in the blind "Don't shoot no matter what". It was still early morning flight time and i just asked him for a 2 minute pause to get rid of the boss.

Me: Hello, yeah this is <cough cough wheez> Jesse. I don't feel so good today so I won't be in.

Boss: Okay, hope you feel better.

Me: I'll try, see you...........

BANG!! BANG!!

buddy opened up on 2 mallards that were locked up on our dekes.

Boss: Okay, you have a good shoot and I'll see you tomorrow.

Thank god the boss was a hunter. He just laughed. My buddy claimed he just had to shoot since they were greenheads. For paybacks, I put the mouse I found in the blind down my buddy's waders while he was scanning the horizon and looking the other way. Boy could he shake a leg. Gene Kelly would have been proud.

 

[duckboy1]

best way to stay home from school to go hunting for me is.
hey mom want to go duck hunting tommorow? ok lets go says mom!! works 90% of the time

 

[outdoorsman]

Hello... Boss, hey i won't be able to make it into work today. " I have this terrible eye problem". Ok, see you tomorrow. Just don't tell'em it's because ,you " just can't see coming in today"!!

 

[wmidbrook]

Lol...

Jesse.

For me it's been, "Hey Boss, got some personal business I gotta take care of tomorrow." And then I just didn't tell him it was some good ol' fashioned monkey business.

That worked great my whole career until a couple years ago...my management was easier to work with.

We got a new Senior Manager grew up in Uganda overseeing us frontline mgrs. To make matters worse, this older East Indian (yes...an animal worshiping Hindu) gal's eyes light up as she fondly recollects the days she grew up and lived in Uganda under the Idi Amin regime....she smiles as she talks about having met the Dictator.

And to compound the matter, I now have a lesbian (and VEGAN) director who hired the my superior....

On many levels they aren't bad...but, there's an extreme bias that favors women, flaming liberals, & East Indians in my dept apparent via who gets promoted, the favors, and the bonuses.

So, the last couple years under these two's rule, has not been a very politically friendly experience as it's widely known that I am a conservative and hunter--fewer favors for this kid...

If I were East Indian, I could get 3 contiguous weeks off at the drop of a hat...me, I get jerked around with having to take a little vacation time here/there.

If they didn't need me to get their scut work done (and no one else can do it well), I'd have been gone many rounds of layoffs ago. Can't wait to get out from under their rule when I land that next job....that will be a liberating day~!

And thank God I've got a cool wife who's okay with me being gone up to a week or more at a time to go hunting. And doesn't complain when I'm gone many weekends in the fall.

 

[COHunter]

I say, "hey the weather is supposed to be ducky tomorrow so I'll be sick".
This year if my bosses hunsband gets back from Iraq in time, he'll being going with me on those sick days

 

[hucklburry]

If I am good, my boss is going with me. If I am really good (i.e. been working hard) I can just tell him my plans and he tells me if its a go or not (dependent on workloads). We both hunt whenever we can, but I get more opportunities due to no children than he does. If I put in those extra hours he has a hard time saying no. That and I have only used 1 vacation day this year, this season is looking good!

--Jim

 

[PowDuck]

Just got these in a daily funnies email:

~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?

~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

~ Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

~ I prefer to remain an enigma.

~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

~ I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing
the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

Received from Mikey's Funnies.

 

[manfreddy]

"Jeez...Work? Well it's kind of a bad time, my brother highjacked a truckload full of Penguins. Call back later? Great"

Never works, but a great line from Better Off Dead.

wmidbrook and I used to work for the same company, so I know his excuses work cause we were never there during the hunting season(s).