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- Mar 11, 2001
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Hey, PETA, I ran over an entree today
May 26, 2002
John Kelso/Austin American Statesman'
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want to legalize eating roadkill in Texas.
Which reminds me: How many Aggies does it take to eat roadkill? Two. The other watches for traffic.
Seriously, Karla Waples, 27, a PETA person and a New Braunfels native (so you know she's had sausage), has written a letter to her state representative, Edmund Kuempel, R-Seguin, urging him to make it legal to eat roadkill.
Her thinking here is that since these animals are already gonesky, you might as well eat them, since that might keep other animals from the slaughterhouse.
"The bodies of animals killed on streets and highways in Texas need not simply go to waste," Waples writes. "They provide a free source of food for meat-eaters who can't give up their bad habit. These animals enjoyed grass, trees, streams, and the freedom to raise families and live a natural life before they were killed. . . . Cattle, hogs, chickens, turkeys, and other animals raised on factory farms are not so lucky. These miserable animals are denied everything natural or enjoyable." Like getting up close and personal with a Firestone tread on an 18-wheeler.
What's funny about this is that it's not illegal to eat roadkill in Texas anyway. It is illegal to possess roadkill. But, technically, if you wanted to go out to the side of the road and finish off a possum, you could probably get away with it, as long as you ate it next to the road and didn't take it home.
"Oh, gosh, to eat roadkill? That act is not (illegal)," said Alfonso Campos, assistant chief of marine enforcement for the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department. "I believe the possession is what's illegal. I don't believe you would catch one of us grabbing it from their mouth and fining them."
So if you PETA people want to go out to U.S. 183 during skunk season and have at it, bring plenty of Worcestershire sauce.
What does Kuempel think about promoting roadkill consumption? "Holy mackerel," he said. "Tell her we can provide her with some."
Waples decided to urge people to eat roadkill during an early May "Cowgirl Cuties" campaign in Lubbock, Fort Worth and Amarillo. Waples and another PETA member served as PETA's "Possum Posse of sexy vegetarian cow gals to promote the idea of eating roadkill by passing out samples of roadkill barbecue to hungry lunchtime crowds," the press release says.
Actually, they didn't hand out roadkill. The press release says it was "soy kebabs," but Waples said it was "a faux chicken product."
But I digress. In the course of pretending to hand out roadkill, the PETA ladies thought they ought to check out the law first. Waples said a PETA person was told by the Parks and Wildlife Department that eating roadkill was against the law in Texas.
"Someone in our campaign department actually looked into it," she said. "I don't know if people can come and arrest you or how they would ever find out about it."
They can smell the armadillo on your breath.
John Kelso's humor column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at at (512) 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.
May 26, 2002
John Kelso/Austin American Statesman'
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want to legalize eating roadkill in Texas.
Which reminds me: How many Aggies does it take to eat roadkill? Two. The other watches for traffic.
Seriously, Karla Waples, 27, a PETA person and a New Braunfels native (so you know she's had sausage), has written a letter to her state representative, Edmund Kuempel, R-Seguin, urging him to make it legal to eat roadkill.
Her thinking here is that since these animals are already gonesky, you might as well eat them, since that might keep other animals from the slaughterhouse.
"The bodies of animals killed on streets and highways in Texas need not simply go to waste," Waples writes. "They provide a free source of food for meat-eaters who can't give up their bad habit. These animals enjoyed grass, trees, streams, and the freedom to raise families and live a natural life before they were killed. . . . Cattle, hogs, chickens, turkeys, and other animals raised on factory farms are not so lucky. These miserable animals are denied everything natural or enjoyable." Like getting up close and personal with a Firestone tread on an 18-wheeler.
What's funny about this is that it's not illegal to eat roadkill in Texas anyway. It is illegal to possess roadkill. But, technically, if you wanted to go out to the side of the road and finish off a possum, you could probably get away with it, as long as you ate it next to the road and didn't take it home.
"Oh, gosh, to eat roadkill? That act is not (illegal)," said Alfonso Campos, assistant chief of marine enforcement for the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department. "I believe the possession is what's illegal. I don't believe you would catch one of us grabbing it from their mouth and fining them."
So if you PETA people want to go out to U.S. 183 during skunk season and have at it, bring plenty of Worcestershire sauce.
What does Kuempel think about promoting roadkill consumption? "Holy mackerel," he said. "Tell her we can provide her with some."
Waples decided to urge people to eat roadkill during an early May "Cowgirl Cuties" campaign in Lubbock, Fort Worth and Amarillo. Waples and another PETA member served as PETA's "Possum Posse of sexy vegetarian cow gals to promote the idea of eating roadkill by passing out samples of roadkill barbecue to hungry lunchtime crowds," the press release says.
Actually, they didn't hand out roadkill. The press release says it was "soy kebabs," but Waples said it was "a faux chicken product."
But I digress. In the course of pretending to hand out roadkill, the PETA ladies thought they ought to check out the law first. Waples said a PETA person was told by the Parks and Wildlife Department that eating roadkill was against the law in Texas.
"Someone in our campaign department actually looked into it," she said. "I don't know if people can come and arrest you or how they would ever find out about it."
They can smell the armadillo on your breath.
John Kelso's humor column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at at (512) 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.
