- Nov 30, 2010
- Reaction score
No, those are not mistakes in the title; you will have to read on to find out what happened.
The Admiral and I drove up to near Shingle Springs to hunt with our friend the Jägermeister, aka “JM” for the spring turkey hunt. When we arrived, we did some scouting and cornered several really funky looking small turkeys (Picture 1). As it was a day before the season opened, we had to hold fire though we did manage to get some fresh eggs from them under the threat of grievous bodily harm.
Day 1 hunt. We’d decided this year no more getting up at O’Dark thirty and trying to catch birds coming off the roost at daylight. We figured to wait for the turkeys to get up, get restless and begin to walk about with JM and the Admiral going to the upper spots and me to the lower. About 8 am I set out my decoys and sat under tree on a large open area along which we had heard and seen lots of turkeys the year before. But it was dead quiet. Then, over the rise comes a whole mess of not turkeys but friendly bored cows who were tired of sheltering in place. Paying no attention to the Governor's orders, these cows were rubbing against and drooling on each other. Then they saw my decoys. These socially irresponsible cows walked right up and started licking the decoys. (Picture 2 ) Next, they visited me under the tree all the time infringing on my 6-foot personal space while I threw sticks at them to try to make them back off. After about half an hour standoff, the cows decided I was boring and departed. Little did I realize the serious repercussions this visit would have for me later that night.
Meanwhile back in the upper property JM and Gaye had camped out but JM got so cold he had to take a walk. While walking/warming, he sees a group of Jakes and a nice mature Tom walking toward him. Of course, they see him and immediately head off while he jumps behind a tree. Fortunately for him, momentarily another nice Tom comes strolling up the same way. JM gives a couple of hen calls and this Tom walks right up. “Boom”, one bird down. Later we realized that the bird had seen JM and that is why the bird came right to him. Why you ask? Well, note in the picture, JM is wearing a Trump/Pence MAGA hat. (Picture 3) This was very clever turkey “camo” that attracts turkeys in a bipartisan fashion. A far-right wing turkey seeing the hat would come up to give him a high five. A far-left wing turkey seeing it would come up to him to scold him for being an uninformed redneck. JM never found out which type of turkey his was; he kept his distance and shot the bird at more than 6 feet.
After an early lunch, we all headed up toward the other end of the property where we had seen a lot of birds the evening before. JM and Gaye set up on a hillside while I walked down into the valley. Twenty minutes later I hear “boom” and then get a text that the Admiral had just made a lovely 45 yard shot on a bird that had come in across a ridge line. Happy Admiral. (Picture 4) After cleaning that bird, we take the car into the pasture from whence JM and I go to look for birds while the Admiral chills in the car as it is raining a bit. This which turned out to be very fortunate. While JM and I wandered various hillsides seeing lots of birds that did wanted to come and play, little did we know that the Admiral was under attack. Three Jakes came up right up to the car and tried to steal it; an attempted Car-Jaking. You can see in the picture she took that the birds are right outside the car window which has lots of rain drops on it. (Picture 5) Fortunately for those birds, the Admiral had already shot a bird that day, so she did not fire but she threatened them with grievous bodily harm if they did not leave her alone – it would have been a legal “stand your ground shooting.” The birds finally left but were clearly rather unhappy about not getting away with her Subaru. Driving on the way out of the pasture to head home at 10 minutes to 5, we spot a pair of nice Toms walking up the side of the low hills in front of us. JM stops the car and I ran out over the back of the hill figuring to cut them off in an ambush. I get up to the top, drop down by a tree, and carefully peak over. I see now five big Toms but they are 200 yards off and moving away. I say “Barnacles!”, stand up and what will I hear nearby; “putt – putt”, “putt – putt”, the turkey alarm call. The birds I was chasing that were right below me, not more than 50 yards away. They were now hightailing it out of Dodge. If I had only sat still for a few minutes. Oh well just another busted bird. Dinner was from the famous Poor Red's BBQ as tradition dictates but because of social distancing, we got takeout. Here is what a Poor Red's burger looks like. (Picture 6).
That night however is when my real trouble began. I started to feel ill. I developed a fever and had this feeling in my chest like I had the cough. However, each time I tried to cough, a mooing sound came out instead. Not only did I moo rather than cough but I had the intense desire to eat lettuce and especially grass. OMG. I suddenly remembered, I had handled the decoys the cows had licked, had not washed my hands and touched my face. I now have the dreaded BOVID-19 disease. I am under CDC (Center for Disease of Cows) orders to remain in complete isolation from cows as they do not want me to be patient zero for a BOVID-19 pandemic.
END OF PART 1