The great bifurcation of humanity

mouthcallinmatt1

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>>The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred

>>>some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of

>>>nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the pivotal event of societal evolution,

>>>beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of

>>>modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity

>>>into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

>>>

>>>Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning

>>>of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been

>>>invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery.

>>>That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days killing

>>>animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the

>>>beginning of the conservative movement.

>>>

>>>Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to

>>>live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing

>>>women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the

>>>beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually

>>>became women.

>>>

>>>Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of

>>>group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and

>>>meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in

>>>democracy at that time because most of them were still women back then,

>>>and the conservatives fed them. Conservatives are symbolized by the

>>>largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by

>>>the jackass.

>>>

>>>Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white

>>>wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef

>>>well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal menus. Their women

>>>have more testosterone than the men. Most social workers, personal

>>>injury attorneys, journalists, and group therapists are Liberals.

>>>Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it

>>>wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

>>>

>>>Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide

>>>for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,

>>>lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers,

>>>corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works

>>>productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire

>>>other conservatives who want to work for a living.

>>>

>>>Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and

>>>decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans

>>>are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals

>>>just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The

>>>American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative.

>>>

>>>A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find

>>>the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands,

>>>and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might

>>>locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't

>>>been born yet."
 
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