The new Darwin Award

BigDog

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The NEW 2001 Darwin Awards...!

Hot off the press! The 2000-2001 Darwin Awards Are Here!!

The latest Darwin Awards update....The Darwin
Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to
the survival of
the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene
pool before they have a chance to breed.

1. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
  getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with
  which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
  Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill,
  and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This
  resulting explosion and fire burned his house
  down, killing both him and his sister.

2. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement
  of his home died of suffocation, according to
  police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed
  225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white
  bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's
  wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a
  schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a
  military gas mask that had the filter canister
  removed and a rubber hose attached in its place.
  The other end of the hose was connected to one end
  of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in
  diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his
  rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of
  his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining
  the circumstances of his death to his family very
  awkward.

3. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft
  at low altitude when another plane approached. It
  appears that they decided to moon the occupants
  of the other plane, but lost control of their own
  aircraft and crashed.  They were all found dead in
  the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call.      She had no
details before arriving, except that        someone had reported that his
father was not
  breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the
  man face down on the couch, naked. When she rolled
  him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR,
  she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After
  the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was
  declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the
  police made a closer inspection of the couch, and
  noticed that the man had made a hole between the
  cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they
  discovered what caused his death. Apparently the
  man had a habit of putting his ***
between the
  cushions, down into the hole and between two
  electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for
  obvious reasons). According to the story, after his
  orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders,
  electrocuting him.

5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car    on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree,
 seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself.
  As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
  qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for
  the fact that the driver's attention had been
  distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had
  started urgently beeping for food as she drove
  along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to
  save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.

6. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he
  tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a
  70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police
  said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a
  bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end
  around one foot, anchored the other end to the
  trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
  pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
  said investigators think Barcia was alone
  because his car was found nearby. "The length of
  the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
  distance between the trestle and the ground",
  Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of
  death was "Major trauma".

7. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
  seems that he and a friend were playing a game of
  catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -
  no doubt, a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
  hospitalised.

8. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
  noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly,
  management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
  potential sources of ignition lights, power, etc.
  After the building had been evacuated, two
  technicians from the Gas company were dispatched.
  Upon entering the building, they found they had
  difficulty navigating in the dark. To their
  frustration, none of the lights worked (you can see
  what's coming, can't you?). Witnesses later
  described the sight of one of the technicians
  reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object
  that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation
  of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
  exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles
  away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
  lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
  The technician suspected of causing the blast had
  never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
 

jerry d

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Reads an article in a newspaper many years ago that would probably qualify for this prestigious award back then.

Seems these two drivers in a certain European country were driving in pea soup fog. In an attempt to see better they both were leaning out their vehicle window when they met going in opposite directions, banged heads killing one of the gents.
 
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